Sunday, February 17, 2013

The girl who "don't cook"

          So I'm at work bagging groceries, I have my "work face" on which means smiling even though there's nothing to smile about. Smiling is a great defense mechanism against people's temper tantrums because they either think you are a sweet harmless individual, or a vacant moron. Either way they don't yell at you. I start talking to this gal whose about my age and we get on the topic of cooking and I casually mention that I don't cook. Her response?
 "Gurl, How do expect to get a man if you don't cook?!"
         I stood there blinking at her for a few seconds because I could't believe she actually said that. I could hear a weird sound, but it was only suffragettes turning over in their graves. I realized I had no answer to her question so my intelligent glittering response was
"Ummm.."
After she left I started pondering her question because I was bored and had nothing better to do. Um how DO I expect to get a man if I don't cook? Here's what I came up with:

1.)I can organize a bookshelf like a pro.

2.) I can keep a stunningly detailed calendar. In fact I have three. I believe I deserve bonus points for the Hobbit one.

3.) I can quote all the starwars and LOTR movies verbatim. Which is of course devastatingly alluring.

4.) I speak British English, sarcasm, and i'm fluent in Doctor Who references.

5.) I'm funny. (okay I'm not actually funny, I'm just rude and people think I'm kidding)

6.) I'm an awesome list maker ( As you can tell by the fabulous list I'm writing now)

7.) I almost always take the stairs instead of the elevator.( I don't know why but it makes me feel like a better person than the people who took the elevator)

8.) In 4-5 years I will have a lovely bachelors degree in...something...something FABULOUS...

Aaaaand yeah that's just a few of the ways i'm going to get a man without cooking. Wish me luck!