Saturday, March 23, 2013

Tea and Mind Palaces

I am waiting for my tea to cool because right now it is lava from the center of the fires of Mount Doom.
I find myself in the peculiar situation of having just read The Three Musketeers, a book in which the main characters are named Athos, Porthos and Aramis. While at the same time, my English class is looking at the writing techniques of Ethos, Pathos and Logos. Needless to say this has caused quite a few errors on my part.

In my Psychology class we were learning about "Schemas" which are hypothetical cognitive structures that help us perceive, organize, process and use information. And the corresponding memory technique called "Loci" where you put things in a mental location so you can remember them.

THE MIND PALACE IS REAL!!!!! Sherlocks mind palace is real!!!!!!!

 I frantically looked around, but I was trapped in a classroom with no fellow Sherlockians with which to share this earth shattering revelation. Tragedy.
Another tragedy, yesterday I had dramatically and decisively ended an argument. I had just shouted the best speech ever without messing it up. I was walking away with my head high in complete triumph....Then I tripped....Which really ruined the seriousness. And killed my dramatic exit, pretty much crushing my chances of getting the victory which had so nearly been mine. All I was left with was the sting of defeat, and a bruised knee. My response was to yell "Am I Bovvered?!" And walk away quickly.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The Three Musketeers

         Why is the most well known quote from the three musketeers "all for one and one for all"? I read the book and they say that...once. It's not their catch phrase or anything, they just say it one time, and not even at the most climactic part of the story. I feel bad for Alexandre Dumas, because that book is full of beautiful epic lines and the only thing everyone remembers is "All for one, and one for all". It would be like Taylor Lautner only being known for being "Shark boy". Okay never mind that's a horrible terrible example because he's best known for Twilight. Under no circumstances do I want to compare TWILIGHT to the three musketeers, that is an unforgivable heresy and sacrilege.

Okay better example, if you watched Sherlock and the only thing you remembered is some stupid meaningless thing Anderson said, and you ignored all Sherlock's epic lines like "I may be on the side of the angels (or gerbils) but don't think for a second that I am one of them"

 What the most well known quote from The Three Musketeers SHOULD have been:

1.) "Love is a lottery in which the prize is death. You are very lucky to have lost d'Artagnan"- Athos

2.) (d'Artagnan is confident after thwarting the first of Milady De Winter's attempts on his life) "His serenity proved one thing: he did not yet know Milady"

3.) "You are my happiness, my hope, each time I see you I add another diamond to the treasure of my heart" -Duke of Buckingham

4.)  "The young Musketeer was in an excellent frame of mind for dying heroically"

5.) "Tender hearts were made to be broken"-Athos

There are many more excellent quotes but those are my favorites. I also really liked the movie The Man in the Iron Mask , with Leonardo DiCaprio in it. Only a few things bothered me: the fact that Aramis inexplicably has a British accent when he is supposed to be French, and Athos who is also supposed to be French has an American accent. Only Porthos has a French accent. Which would be fine if the movie did not take place in FRANCE!

the pope

I am not Catholic. I did however go to three years of Catholic high school and sit through a couple million Liturgies ( Liturgy is a fancy Catholic word for Church. Catholics love using fancy words...). So it's kind of inexcusable that after a trillion hours of Catholic church history, Catholic morality, and Catholic scriptures classes, That when I saw the news article about the "Black smoke coming from the vatican" my reaction was: "WHAT?! their Pope quit and now their fancy building thingy is on FIRE!!!! awwww those poor people...

Then I actually read the article and it was talking about how they still hadn't chosen a Pope and I thought that was really insensitive. "No DUH they haven't chosen a Pope there was a FIRE!!!" Then I read even more and I finally figured out that they still use smoke signals.....ohhhhhh....oops...

My only excuse for my intolerable ignorance was "PSH! like anyone uses smoke signals anymore...."

My personal choices for Pope are as follows:

1.) Gandalf
2.) Elrond
3.) Dumbledore
4.) Obi-wan Kenobi
5.) Qui gon jin
6.) Aslan
7.) Merlin
8.) Mycroft Holmes
9.) Samwise
10.) The Doctor

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Popsicles, Galadriel and gerbils, oh my!

The customer who asked me if I was sure I had checked properly for an item, and continued to insist we MUST have it somewhere. In a tone that insinuated that I was deliberately hiding it. Or that if I tried hard enough I could magically make said item appear. That guy has no idea that he had a near death experience. He and a lot of other annoying people, have no idea they narrowly escaped being attacked with a box of popsicles ( why popsicles? Because being attacked with popsicles is so strange and unheard of, that people would run away, just because the idea is frightening in its total uniqueness).

I was quickly dissolving into a cross between Cruella DeVil and Galadriel in her crazy goth scene when Frodo offers her the One Ring. Even though i'm certain Galadriel would never do something so undignified as attack someone with a popsicle. It would be much too peasant like and SO very common.

On the bright side, Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman have signed on for a fourth season of Sherlock!!!!!! I should really be concerned with how emotionally invested i've become in this show. Instead i've decided to just sit back and enjoy the ride on the crazy train of Sherlock fandom.

Inspired by the posts of people sticking the word "grape" into sherlock quotes (pure genius by the way, whoever thought that up) I decided to write some of my own substituting in a word of my choice. Please enjoy.

1.) Sorry, gotta dash I believe I left my gerbil in the mortuary...

2.) I will burn the gerbil out of you.
Ive been reliably informed I don't have one...

3.) And I assume she scrubbed your floors going by the state of her gerbils.

4.) I may be on the side of the gerbils but don't think for a second that I am one of them.

5.) Now why didn't i think of that? Because you're a gerbil.

6.) You've never been the most luminous of people but as a gerbil you are invaluable!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013


I don't know if anyone else remembers, but there used to a TV show where a dog named "Wishbone" would portray the protagonist of lots of classic literature. For example he was Sherlock Holmes, Robin Hood, King Arthur, and both the Prince and the Pauper. It sounds really stupid, A dog dressed up in a costume acting out famous books, but it was actually fabulous.
Most good things sound weird when you try to explain them. For example you say "yeah, Doctor Who is a show about a time traveling alien who flies around in a blue box, saving planets". And try explaining what "the force" is to someone who has never seen starwars and you'll sound like a raving lunatic. "Yeah its this energy coming from the mediclorians inside living things...and it moves stuff...and electrocutes things, but only if your evil...yeah.."

Wishbone is my third favorite Sherlock Holmes. My favorite being, of course Benedict. My second favorite is the kid who portrays a young Sherlock Holmes in a speilburg movie that that no one has heard of, but I have seen multiple times and adore. Because while the story does not follow the books. The portrayal of sherlock is dead on.

On that note they are building a Designer Shoe Warehouse in what used to be Borders Bookstore. Which is proof there are dark evil forces at work in this world.

Thursday, March 7, 2013


I'm an completely obsessed, psycho Sherlockian

1.) I listen to the Sherlock soundtrack while doing my homework because it makes me feel more intelligent.

2.) I have two blue scarves selected specifically because they resemble Sherlock's and I feel incredibly classy and mysterious when wearing them.

3.) Scarves are always tied "Sherlock style"

4.) In a moment of irrepressible artistic energy, I painted a yellow smiley face on my wall. It's safe to say that whenever I start feeling artistic, nothing is safe from being used as part of my artistic expression.

5.) When bored, I pretend to shoot at said smiley face while yelling "BORED!!!

6.) I was so bored waiting for season 3 that I became a Whovian to distract me. I watched 6 and a half seasons of Doctor Who in two weeks. Which i'm pretty sure was not healthy. I don't know if my emotions will ever recover.

7.) I thoroughly enjoyed watching all the behind the scenes footage of Sherlock, the pilot, and the commentaries... And by "thoroughly enjoyed" I mean I would not rest until I had seen every millisecond there was to see.

8.) I am a living breathing encyclopedia of Sherlock references, and I use them whenever possible. Even when no one else understands them.
Maria and I were watching The Amazing Spiderman and when spiderman said "people have died" maria yelled "That's what people DO!!!" <----this is why I love Maria, even if the little gerbil says Black Kites are birds...