Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Books and disinfectant dispensers

Do you ever cry over character development ? Because I do.
After my second read through of Harry Potter, I was in tears  because Ron and Harry are the best-est best bros ever and it all began because Ron decided to sit with Harry on the Hogwarts Express and that was it, they just sat on a train together and became best friends who would grow up to defeat dark lord Voldemort. Hence my tears.

I also cried over Silver Linings Playbook. The only problem was that I was reading it in class when I was souposed to be listening to my philosophy professor. So I was sitting there in my desk sniffling and trying not to cry.

I must have looked very emotionally moved by the theory of utilitarianism.

In other news the guy who is selling nonstick cookware at Costco bears a striking resemblance to Karl Urban...

I told Mum we should go buy a frying pan because Karl Urban said that you could fry an egg with no oil and it won't stick.

Mum was not impressed, and said that that was lies and would make the egg taste funny.

So I did not get to buy a frying pan from Karl Urban…

Okay so everyone has seen containers like these right?

And if you've seen one then you have most likely experienced getting your finger caught in it, which I know from personal experience, hurts really really badly.
 But most rational human beings just grit their teeth, yank their finger out and move on right?

Well we have a bunch of containers like these at work, full of disinfectant wipes so people can clean the filthy grocery cart handles.

And so a guy comes up to me and vaguely gestures in the direction of a short middle aged woman and says

"Um she says she needs help"  and then walks away quickly without further explanation.

As I've previously mentioned, I work in a really unfortunate neighborhood. So I thought I had a pretty good idea what was going on because we get mentally challenged people wandering in a lot. I fully expecting to have to pacify another crazy lady who would tell me I needed to call the fire department because a car was on fire (The car in question was not on fire in the slightest, but I made the security guard go look anyways just to make the crazy lady feel better)

 I approached the lady cautiously, asking "Can I help you?" in my best kindergarden teacher voice, and right away noticed two things

1.) She was way too clean to be homeless

2.) She was standing rooted to the spot with her finger stuck in the disinfectant wipes container looking at me like this -

I was still getting over my surprise at her of her lack of crazy and homelessness so I just stupidly repeated

"um uh.. can I help you??"

"My finger is stuck and I can't get it out!" she hissed very urgently as she winced in what was apparently a very drastic amount of pain.

At first I thought that that couldn't possibly be the whole problem so I stood there waiting for further explanation. When none was offered and she continued to just standing there dramatically holding her arm and contorting her face into oscar worthy grimaces of great suffering.

I realized that there WAS no further explanation and that she really did just have her finger caught in the wipes dispenser.

The hilarity of the situation hit me and it took a superhuman effort on my part not to laugh

"Er have you tried to yank your finger out?" I said valiantly choking on my laughter, and doing my best to look sympathetic and concerned at the same time which made my face look something like this

"I CAN'T it-really-really-hurts-it's digging into-my-finger-and-i-am-in-a LOT of pain" she spewed dramatically through gritted teeth.

A circular conversation followed, during which I futilely examined the container for a way out that I knew didn't exist just so I could look like I was doing something while at the same time trying to kindly convince her to just suck it up like a normal person and yank her finger out of the thing.

She just stood there continuing to be the world's biggest drama queen and refused to move.

It became clear that drastic action was called for because at this point I was in serious danger of busting a lung from heroically suppressing my laughter

so I grabbed a pair of scissors and finally had to cut the container open until she could finally remove her finger

The drama queen then thanked me and left me standing there holding a pair of scissors and wondering whether my earlier assumption had actually been correct and she WAS a crazy lady who had wandered in…

Todays gifs: