Thursday, May 9, 2013

Cogitate the dead squirrel

I have discovered that I have the incapacity to communicate with other human beings. For example-

Today I was walking out of the Psychology building and passed by a squirrel which freaked me out because I hate squirrels. All the squirrels at Sac state are insufferably arrogant little fatties. This squirrel however was not going to trouble me because it was dead. 

"Well thats unfortunate." I muttered. 

"What??" Said the random guy walking past me. 

"Excuse me?" I asked confused. Wondering where he had come from. 

"Oh, thought you were talking to me" random guy said, understandably a bit confused. 

"No, sorry there was a dead squirrel...."

The minute that deranged sentence left my mouth I wanted to grab it out of the air and smack myself in the face with it because that was without a doubt the most socially awkward non sequitur I could have uttered at that point. Understandably the guy backed away slowly, before making a hasty escape for his life. For surely I was a raving lunatic. 
No sorry there was a dead squirrel? 
No sorry there was a dead squirrel?? 
No sorry there was a dead squirrel???? 

On the bright side I learned two new words and a phrase in Chinese today: 

Cogitate:(verb)  To think hard, ponder, meditate about a problem. 
Eg: I shall cogitate about the grave misfiring of neurons in my brain that caused me to mention dead rodents to passing strangers. 

Sobriquet: (noun) a fancy word for nickname. 
Eg: Daniel's sobriquet is "Stormaggedon dark lord of all" 

Bun tyen-shung duh ee-dway-ro: is a phrase in Chinese which translates roughly to "stupid stack of meat" and earns the distinction of being the only phrase in Chinese that I know.