I am not a morning person

So today I had to wake up and go to work extremely early. Nothing good happens at 6 in the morning people! So you should all just go back to sleep. At that ungodly hour I should not be forced to deal with cheerful morning people who are all hyped up and spewing happiness for whatever reason, like this

HI! HOW ARE YOU THIS FINE MORNING???!!!

Meanwhile I'm standing there glaring at them like Gordon Ramsey 

It's too early for this!!! Are you people even human??? 

Because today was my day to open the store I had the lovely job of mopping the concrete sidewalk in front of the store. yay. As I was mopping concrete at 6:30 and deeply questioning my life choices, this really nerdy looking old guy walks by and says 

"I mopped concrete floors for years in state prison. It sucks doesn't it?" 

WHAT??

How on Earth do you even respond to that? Seriously What?? The combination of the mop and the early morning and him mentioning prison was too much for my sleep deprived brain so I just stood there for a few seconds staring at him. I was finally able to respond with a nervous smile and say "Yeah...have a nice day"

There are a lot of weird infomercials on T.V. I have watched an ad for a limited edition railroad pocket watch. Also for a stove that does not get hot so you don't burn yourself, yet it still somehow cooks your food?? If you are too stupid to use a stove I think you need to starve.... or invest in a microwave.  and then there was this monstrosity

Its a fake plastic bird that makes noises.... a PLASTIC bird that chirps...I just sat there and watched the whole ad because I was sure it was fake because it was so completely ridiculous... but no...it's real. They were hyping this thing up like it was going to revolutionize your existence and "Bring you hours of joy" and it's a plastic bird…

Todays gifs: 
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