Face

Do you ever wonder how you look to other people? Like I know you see yourself in mirrors but because vision is also a brain thing, how you see yourself may not necessarily be how others see you…

I'll use myself as an example

All my life I've suffered from "resting grumpy face" where I look angry all the time even if i'm not. It's just my face. In order to look pleasant and happy I need to concentrate really hard. This has caused more than a few people to tell me I look like Wednesday Addams

 Specifically during the month of October, I can pretty much guarantee I will get called "Wednesday".

Another one is people thinking that all Mexican people look alike and telling me I look like Selina Gomez.

Which causes Mexican people to laugh at me because they know I look absolutely nothing in the universe like Selina Gomez.

So for fun I morphed these two photos and ended up with this

Which to me looks like a young Miley Cyrus….. or the devil…..

Ew

Working retail...

Since i've spent the past year of my life working at a soul killing grocery store, i figured I should make a little list of hatred and talk about stuff that irritates me.

1.) All old people, actually customers in general, tell the same…three...jokes... 

(Item doesn't ring up) oh haha must be free! Haha 

(Check 100 dollar bill for authenticity) haha don't worry, I just printed it! Hahahaha

(Can I get you anything else today?) how bout a million dollars??!! Hahahahaha 

Seriously I have heard these jokes more times than can be humanly healthy...and you have to fake a laugh EVERY time when you feel like impaleing yourself on a box of waffles. 

2.) Do you work here??

No i'm just wearing this uniform and name badge as a fashion statement. 

I'm just standing here straightening this shelf for fun... I clean the windows at every store I go to!

3.) What do you mean you don't know the price of every single item in the entire store???? You should KNOW you work here! 

4.) These prices are SO high!!! it makes me sick to pay this much for food!! It's cheaper at Walmart…

Please go to Walmart. Please please please leave here and go annoy Walmart. You do realize I have no control over the price of the items in the store right???

5.) And every retail worker cringes in fear when they see someone coming towards them with a return, because chances are they don't have a receipt and they bought it five years ago and they will argue with you for five million years over a $5 item

6.) When people assume all mexican people are related and ask if i'm related to the other mexican employees.

7.) Do you SEE how long these lines are?! You need to get some more cashiers up here! 

Sure no problem i'll just go to the super secret room where we hide all the extra cashiers….

todays gifs:
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I overreact...

So recently at work there was an issue with a psycho woman yelling for the police and generally making a massive scene.

There's a story behind it, but I didn't bother to ask about it because I really didn't care. Mum says I never ask good questions.

Luckily my boss interperuted my non-reaction to the massive scene, as me making a concious effort to maintain proffesionalism.

When in reality I'm just so completely apathtic towards anything not directly involving myself, that I just couldn't be bothered to care. 

This led me to contemplate how thourougly messed up my reactions to things are, for example... 

Fight between my brothers at home: I will start yelling "SHUT UP!! " at the top of my lungs 

Actual fight in my work parking lot: Oh...whatever...they better not block the cart return... 

The filter in my fish tank broke: I was reduced to a sobbing mess in the upstairs hallway clutching a mop and shouting abuse at anyone who came near me.

The Police are at my work and arresting a shoplifter: Dude….your kinda blocking my locker….

Someone breaths near my gluten-free pizza: Get away from that or I swear I will stab you with a fork!!!  STOP looking at it!!!! 

The problem with this is that people get the idea that i'm level headed... when in reality I am extremely volitile and will overreact with a truely massive tantrum at the slightest provocation...

Todays gifs:
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Books and disinfectant dispensers

Do you ever cry over character development ? Because I do.
After my second read through of Harry Potter, I was in tears  because Ron and Harry are the best-est best bros ever and it all began because Ron decided to sit with Harry on the Hogwarts Express and that was it, they just sat on a train together and became best friends who would grow up to defeat dark lord Voldemort. Hence my tears.

I also cried over Silver Linings Playbook. The only problem was that I was reading it in class when I was souposed to be listening to my philosophy professor. So I was sitting there in my desk sniffling and trying not to cry.

I must have looked very emotionally moved by the theory of utilitarianism.

In other news the guy who is selling nonstick cookware at Costco bears a striking resemblance to Karl Urban...

I told Mum we should go buy a frying pan because Karl Urban said that you could fry an egg with no oil and it won't stick.

Mum was not impressed, and said that that was lies and would make the egg taste funny.

So I did not get to buy a frying pan from Karl Urban…

Okay so everyone has seen containers like these right?

And if you've seen one then you have most likely experienced getting your finger caught in it, which I know from personal experience, hurts really really badly.
 But most rational human beings just grit their teeth, yank their finger out and move on right?

Well we have a bunch of containers like these at work, full of disinfectant wipes so people can clean the filthy grocery cart handles.

And so a guy comes up to me and vaguely gestures in the direction of a short middle aged woman and says

"Um she says she needs help"  and then walks away quickly without further explanation.

As I've previously mentioned, I work in a really unfortunate neighborhood. So I thought I had a pretty good idea what was going on because we get mentally challenged people wandering in a lot. I fully expecting to have to pacify another crazy lady who would tell me I needed to call the fire department because a car was on fire (The car in question was not on fire in the slightest, but I made the security guard go look anyways just to make the crazy lady feel better)

 I approached the lady cautiously, asking "Can I help you?" in my best kindergarden teacher voice, and right away noticed two things

1.) She was way too clean to be homeless

2.) She was standing rooted to the spot with her finger stuck in the disinfectant wipes container looking at me like this -

I was still getting over my surprise at her of her lack of crazy and homelessness so I just stupidly repeated

"um uh.. can I help you??"

"My finger is stuck and I can't get it out!" she hissed very urgently as she winced in what was apparently a very drastic amount of pain.

At first I thought that that couldn't possibly be the whole problem so I stood there waiting for further explanation. When none was offered and she continued to just standing there dramatically holding her arm and contorting her face into oscar worthy grimaces of great suffering.

I realized that there WAS no further explanation and that she really did just have her finger caught in the wipes dispenser.

The hilarity of the situation hit me and it took a superhuman effort on my part not to laugh


"Er have you tried to yank your finger out?" I said valiantly choking on my laughter, and doing my best to look sympathetic and concerned at the same time which made my face look something like this

"I CAN'T it-really-really-hurts-it's digging into-my-finger-and-i-am-in-a LOT of pain" she spewed dramatically through gritted teeth.

A circular conversation followed, during which I futilely examined the container for a way out that I knew didn't exist just so I could look like I was doing something while at the same time trying to kindly convince her to just suck it up like a normal person and yank her finger out of the thing.

She just stood there continuing to be the world's biggest drama queen and refused to move.

It became clear that drastic action was called for because at this point I was in serious danger of busting a lung from heroically suppressing my laughter

so I grabbed a pair of scissors and finally had to cut the container open until she could finally remove her finger

The drama queen then thanked me and left me standing there holding a pair of scissors and wondering whether my earlier assumption had actually been correct and she WAS a crazy lady who had wandered in…

Todays gifs:
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MY BABIES!!!!!

I finally brought home the two Black Moor Goldfish that will live in the lovely aquarium that has taken me over a week to painstakingly research and prepare.

I decided to get Black Moor Goldfish after much online research, because they are supposed to be easy to care for and live a very long time. Also because all the articles described them as having big goggly eyes but poor vision and being slow awkward swimmers.
They sounded so sweet lovable and dorky that I knew they would be just the right fish for me.

Upon arriving at the pet store I found Catherine Tate, who looked like a lovely healthy specimen of an adult goldfish per all the articles I read.

I was disappointed at first because I wanted two of them and the only one I saw was Catherine but Pond pointed at a smaller baby Black Moor Goldfish all alone in a tank by himself.
I was aghast because in all my extensive research of this type of goldfish I had read over and over that these were social fish and you should never put them in a tank all alone!!!

He was rather pathetic looking, with a lopsided ungainly swim. The little runt was trying to get through the glass wall to the tank beside his, where a bunch of Fantail goldfish were frolicking amongst themselves.

This little fish was a complete wet sandwich but once I laid eyes on him I knew I was not going to be able to walk away and leave him to die alone in that tank. Call me a wimp but the thought of that little fish would have haunted me for days. You would think the-pet-store-that-shall-not-be-named would have done enough research to take better care of little Tom Hiddleston.

So, after asking a few questions of Tim the fish guy,  I asked to purchase these two fish. I was again horrified when I saw that they still used nets to trap the fish when all my articles had said that this method is antiqued and harms fish fins and that the proper procedure is to use a cup to gently scoop up the fish. I visibly flinched but made no comment because I didn't want to hurt Tim the fish guy's feelings because he seemed very nice.

My Babies, Tom and Catherine, are now situated in their new home and seem pretty content with their new surroundings. Even the little wet sandwich Tom has brightened up a bit in his new home. Catherine doesn't look bovvered at all.

After watching a few instructional youtube videos I discovered that you can train goldfish to eat pellet fish food from your hand! I plan to acquire some pellet food and try this out for myself!!

Todays gifs:
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First day of class

We had to do that thing where you go around the room and introduce yourself way too many times today. I am an adult.

I don't have any interest in "getting to know" my classmates.

These "ice breaker" games are a slow and agonizing form of social torture for an introvert. You have to plan out, in your head, what you are going to say and practice it so you don't mess up and sound like an inarticulate imbecile.

I don't even like any of these people. I don't care what you did this summer. I certainly don't want to hear about your hobbies....

Why is it that when they ask you to name some interesting facts about yourself you have a mini existential crisis and forget everything you ever did and said?

Once you are finally able to remember who you are, you are struck with the realization that you are a very boring individual. 

My ethics class began with the question "can we justify torture" so I can tell this class is going to be a barrel of laughs... As well as a plethora of awkward silence.

My creative writing class is going to focus on.....Poetry.... 

I love to read poetry, and i'm especially a fan of Edgar Allan Poe, however this is a writing course. So I will be expected to write poetry of my very own.

I am notoriously bad at writing poetry...you can see my earlier post called " Poetry" for some examples of my work. 

Oh. No. My math proff is a really really nice guy. However, he has a VERY strong accent..... i'm dead...i'm going to die faster than a pacifist in the hunger games....

I barely understand math when its clearly spelled out in ridiculously simple terms that a preshooler would understand...

My first three classes are sadly devoid of any hot guys. My math class has quite a few very good looking guys, however math is also the class where I am going  to be stupider than a gerbil. So again fate cruelly conspires against me. 

Why are there no hotties in my poetry writing class? where I can impress them with my stunning use of adjectives....instead I am just going to flail around with numbers like a vacant loser.

Todays gifs: 
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Lunch and Breakfast Club

You know you're an introvert when it's exciting that there's no one else in the break room during your lunch, because it means you can eat in peace without feeling like you need to make conversation.

If I still have to fake a smile and make small talk with people then it doesn't count as a break. It's only a break if I get to frown as much as I want and not talk to anyone.

Having to behave like Cinderella is very taxing, and wears me out a lot more than lifting a million 12 packs of soda. (curse buy two get one free Labor Day sales). If I was Cinderella the story would have gone a lot differently....
 Actually in all honesty if I was a princess it would go a lot like this....

So I watched the Breakfast Club and I cried..... I was sitting there watching this movie at midnight because I don't have good sleeping habits and the ending was so adorable there were tears in my eyes. I LOVED this movie!!

1.) It is a really well written social commentary about high school kids and how cliques work. While at the same time it's a really weird random movie that sometimes makes no sense and is hard to take seriously. One minute there's tears an a discussion about the unrealistic expectations faced by youth in America and the next minute there's a random dance sequence and climbing through the air vents into the library??

2.) You would never expect the jock to end up with the basket case or the princess to end up with the criminal...but it's the best most adorable ending ever and I have so many head cannons about what happened after that day.

But the absolute best thing about the whole movie was

THIS

SURPRISINGLY PHILOSOPHICAL 

EXTREMELY REBELLIOUS

 SO FULL OF ANGST

CLASSIC BAD BOY

WHO IS ALSO A BIT OF A DRAMA QUEEN

 NAMED JOHN BENDER

I fell so in love with this character. I mean he's an absolute jerk and he's rude and horrible and made princess Claire and brain Brian both cry and he was a complete hypocrite about judging people because he himself very loudly and harshly judged everyone around him.

But I couldn't not love the character because little by little you see how afraid and hurt he is. And he walks in that library very firmly believing in all these stereotypes (the princess, brain, jock and basket case). By the end of it I think after learning more about these kids and what their lives are really like, he knows everyone else has problems too.

Although discovering he wasn't the only person with problems seemed to make him unreasonably angry. Angry enough to make princess Claire cry. I haven't deduced why that is yet....

I was so sad it ended with that one day...I would watch a whole TV series about these characters. You can bet that my creative writing for school this semester will feature some Breakfast Club fan fiction.

Todays gifs
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